Lost in the Fire: Our Choices
by XaBlackRoseX
Summary: Set Between 12x8 "Things we lost in the Fire" & 12x9 "Sound of Silence" and continues from there. Our life is made up of choices; good & bad, thought out & spur of the moment. Alex quickly realizes that some choices aren't as great as you first think they are. Will he be able to keep things together when his world is sent crashing down around him? Meredith&Alex Cannon up to 12x8.
1. Prelude: Set In Motion

**A/N: This is my first Grey's Anatomy story. I just recently started the show last month. I immediately fell in love with Meredith/Alex. So this is short so I can just kind of get a feel of it. please let me know what you think!**

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 _Prelude: Set In Motion_

 _Life is made up of choices: Where you live, what school you attend, the job you choose and who you choose to surround yourself with. Most of the choices you make in life are difficult; they can lead you down the hardest roads. For instance, choosing to raise 3 children on your own after their father dies. That's difficult. It's like a flip of a coin sometimes. You'll make a sudden decision without even thinking it through. A spur of moment sort of thing. Those outcomes can be good or bad; perhaps even a strange mix of both. Then there are other times where the choices you make are thoughtful, well planned and perfectly executed. Those usually go to further yourself in life. Those well thought out choices are what 40% of life is made up of._

Jo stood in front of Alex her eyes asked for understanding. "I am not going to stand here and play second fiddle to anyone, let alone you. I love you Alex and I won't be second best." She sobbed as she looked up at him, her heart in shattered pieces. Alex couldn't believe it. She was going to leave him. Jo sucked in a shaky breath and looked away. "And I certainly won't ask you to choose between me and your friends – friend."

Alex looked at her with confused eyes. Then realization hit him like a punch in the groin; knee buckling and painful. He couldn't lose her and that is exactly what was happening. He loved Jo. "Ask me!" he blurted out in a rush. His words even came out so quick that Jo had to do a double take. "What?" Alex moved closer, unable to keep the small grin off his face. "Ask me to choose." Jo shook her head.

"Alex, that's ridiculous-" "No, no, no, no it's not!" he reached out and framed her face in his hands. "Ask me to choose. Please." He stressed his plea. Her eyes searched his for some sort of clarification. To say that she was afraid of what would come next was an understatement. A few tears had fallen from her eyes. She swallowed thickly before she nodded. "Okay then. Will-will you choose?" her voice shook as she continued, "Choose between Meredith and I?" For a moment, she regretted that she had said her name out loud. Afraid that the name alone would have Alex running from her.

"You!" He cleared away any negative thoughts with his answer. Jo shook her head as she placed her hands on his chest. "You. Don't you see, I love you. You, Josephine Wilson, are my first and only choice. Always." Alex confessed. Jos' head lowered as more tears slipped past her eyes and down her cheeks. She lifted her head and Alex chuckled as he used his thumbs to wipe them away. He took the moment to lean down and capture her lips with his.

Jo pulled away a moment later and found herself lost in his eyes. They were perfect, she always found herself wrapped up in them. "Really? Do you mean it?" Alex rested his forehead against hers. He loved her, his mind continued to scream at him, and if loving her meant letting go of Meredith, he could do that. "Yes." It came soft, just above a whisper. Jo laughed through her tears and shook her heads. Alex pulled her completely against his chest before he placed a kiss to the top of her head.

 _And as for the other 60%; well that's those messy choices. The ones that can flip your life upside down. Like that coin you just flipped fell to the ground and rolled straight into the gutter. This was one of those moments. Where you don't think before you speak. The only problem is that most of the time you don't realize the mistake you just made until it's too late. Until you hurt the ones you care about; and by that time, it's usually too late to fix anyways. That is what life is though. It's well, life is a handful of well-planned and thoughtful choices with a bunch of messy half assed choices thrown into the mix._


	2. Chapter 1: A Nightmare to Come

**A/N: Hey guys! I know I was fast getting this up, but I got out of academy early and I am super stoked to be doing a Grey's Anatomy story! Anyways as always please let me know what you think! This was way harder to write than I expected. Also I wont always update this quickly either, but I will try to be more frequent.**

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 _Chapter 1: A Nightmare to Come_

 _Dreams. The question is not if you dream, because everyone does, the question is whether you remember the dream. They are_ _marvelous things_ _; you can make your own world and then get lost in it. No rules or hate; no pain or tears. It would be perfect. They make_ _you regret waking up_ _because suddenly you're thrusted back into the real world where_ _bad things do happen_ _. They happen every day, everywhere, and to everyone. We all like to pretend, when things are difficult, that everything_ _isn't falling apart_ _, that we're not hanging onto a piece of thread when in all actuality, we are. When our lives take on a_ _dark path_ _even our dreams can become somewhat 'dark and twisty' too. They turn our beautiful, fun and overall happy dreams_ _into nightmares_ _. You feel like your_ _suffocating_ _and can't break the surface of the water for air. You get that_ _sickening feeling_ _that twists and turns in the pit of your stomach; when you're falling, and can't wake yourself up. That feeling_ _of dread_ _that knowing you're about to die and the feeling of_ _defeat and acceptance_ _that comes when_ _knowing you can't stop it_ _. They can reflect_ _our personal demons_ _and even the evil in our own hearts. However, the good thing about these nightmares are that they are, in fact, a figment of your own imagination,_ _created by over brain wave activity_ _during R.E.M. sleep. The fear and anxiety usually jolt the individual awake and soon the person realizes that it was all fake and the thing that was haunting them or threatening them, no longer_ _poses a threat_ _._

Meredith Grey stood at the nurses' station; her eyes were focused on her cellphone in hand, obviously concentrated on something, or in her case the lack there of. She couldn't figure out why. Why her phone had no new messages or calls. It had been exactly one week since she had heard from Alex. At first, she had figured that he needed a break from her and the kids. He had confessed one night that he and Jo were having issues. She assumed they had worked things out and needed a bit of space. She understood needing a day or two, but a week. A week of ignoring her texts and calls; he avoided her at work as well.

She began to grow more worried the more time passed. Had she done something to upset him? She couldn't think of anything she might have said that could be taken or misunderstood as offensive or crass and she certainly didn't remember saying anything, intentionally, of the sort. It wouldn't of have been the first time though. She sighed, her lips pressing into a thin line angled downwards. She missed him. Alex was her person, her family. If she had done something, she just wished he would tell her that she pissed him off so she could fix it.

"Dr. Grey?" Meredith jumped when she felt a sudden pressure on her shoulder. She spun around and slipped her phone into her white coat pocket. Meredith was faced with Dr. Owen Hunts' bright, concerned, blue eyes. His brows were pressed together which matched his lips. Meredith blinked a few times, her words lost in her throat for a minute.

"Dr. Hunt! Is there something wrong?" she tried to mask her surprise, however the slight increase in pitch gave her away. Owen shook his head and dropped his gaze for a moment.

"No, you just seemed in your own world for a minute there. Is everything alright?" Meredith smiled and waved him off with a chuckle in her voice.

"Yeah, of course. Sorry about that, Ellis has been a bit colicky lately. I haven't slept much." She rubbed her hand over her forehead, but Owen didn't seem to buy it. She looked back up at him and offered a smile. "So anyways, was there anything specific you needed?" she tried to change the topic, and to her approval it worked.

"Uh, yeah actually. I just finished a surgery on a patient, few hours ago, with a severe contusion on his chest, his frontal ribs were almost completely obliterated, shattered even. I was wondering if you could look at his x-rays and possibly help figure out what could have caused this." As he spoke he raised the clipboard, lifted the first sheet and scanned the information. After a minute, he offered it to her, which she took quite eagerly, her eyes flickered to the paperwork.

"Yeah sure." She paused to read a few things before she looked back up at him. "There wasn't any information about the accident upon arrival?" Owen moved closer, his finger pointed out a section on the second paper.

"Actually, there was. It just doesn't add up." Meredith scanned the paperwork further. She pursed her lips and frowned. Owen placed his hand on his hip, the other pressed against the counter.

"' _Patient was brought in with multiple contusions to the upper left portion of his abdomen, two deep puncture marks on his right lower abdomen. Trouble breathing, unable to stay conscious, deep lacerations on his neck and back of skull. Bruising covering all of chest and 40% of lower abdomen.'_ " She read aloud. She looked over at Owen, "It says he was working on a car and it collapsed on top of him. You don't believe that?"

Owen shook his head and took the clipboard and flipped past the paperwork and chart to the x-ray scans. "No, because see here-" he pointed to the scans of the patients' rib cage. "these ribs are completely shattered. If a typical sedan fell on you it would fracture and even break a few ribs, but this was hit with more force than just 4,000 pounds. His frontal rib cage is gone. The story that his wife gave just doesn't add up with what we have."

"So, what foul play? You're assuming that, roughly 4,000 pounds wouldn't crush a rib cage. Dr. Hunt I'm sure you're aware that it only takes a constant 25-40 pounds to fracture those bones. If the weight was gently applied, I could see where your logic comes into play, but she said it fell. So, the weight added with the speed of the fall, calculated with how high the vehicle was jacked up, could easily have done this." Owen shook his head.

"Well if the car was a typical 4 feet off the ground, suspended with a typical jack and then fell. It would fall at approximately 0.0625 seconds per foot. So, we'll say a quarter of a second till impact. It wouldn't shatter the bones; break, sure, but not shatter." Meredith looked up at him quizzically. Owen blinked and frowned. "What?"

"Nothing, I'm just impressed with your vast knowledge of falling vehicle statistics." She smirked. Owen scoffed before he pushed himself off the counter and turned and stood in front of her. "Did you have a neurosurgeon look over the scans from the head injury?" she inquired, grabbed the clipboard and flipped through all the scans

He nodded and stuffed his hands in his lab coat. "Dr. Shepherd looked it over. There was severe cranial damage, it was a miracle that there was no permanent damage to his brain." Meredith pursed her lips at her sister in-laws name. Amelia had moved put officially only two days ago, and, like Alex, had completely ignored her too. Although unlike with Alex, Amelia's silence didn't bother her nearly as much, or at all for that fact. All of the sudden Owens' words settled in. She looked up at him as if he had grown a second head.

"You're telling me this man is still alive." It wasn't a question. Owen just nodded as Meredith shook her head. "There's no way. This man should be dead!"

"We have him in the I.C.U. in a medically induced coma and on mechanical ventilation. He coded in the O.R. for 5 minutes. I had Amelia do some neuroimaging to help get a better understanding of the severity of his head injury."

"So, she did an M.R.I?" she questioned while she handed him back the clipboard; she kept one of the scans to look at. He nodded in response and placed the clipboard under his arm.

"Yeah and a Computerized Tomography. By all reasons of medical science this man should be dead." Meredith nodded in agreement. She tilted her head to the side to analyze the C.T. scans that Amelia had done. From the scans, she could tell that minimal to no damage was done to the brain. There were a few sections that were less functioning, but considering that his brain was deprived of oxygen for 5 minutes and then immediately placed into barb coma, it was completely normal.

"Or at least brain dead." She mumbled. From the corner of her eye she managed to catch a glimpse of – "Alex." She breathed out.

"What?" Owen looked at her strange before he followed her gaze and saw Dr. Alex Karev. He was headed their way, his nose stuck in a file. He looked back at Meredith who seemed frozen. "Dr. Grey?"

Meredith shook her head before she handed the scans back to Owen. "I think you're right Dr. Hunt, but we should meet up later to discuss this." She looked up at him. "I have something I need to discuss with Dr. Karev. If you will excuse me." She was quick to turn around and head in the direction of Alex who still hadn't noticed her.

"Okay." Owen stood there for a moment slightly stunned by Dr. Greys abruptness and eagerness to leave. He watched her walk for a moment or two before he turned to leave himself. "Thank you."

"Hey, Alex!?" she called out to him. Alex looked up and froze mid-stride. Meredith jogged the rest of the way to meet him in the center of the hall way. "Alex, I was wondering if we could talk." Her eyes were hopeful, but Alex looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"Umm, actually now's not a good time Dr. Grey I actually have-" he began. Meredith's eyes fell.

"' _Dr. Grey'_?" she repeated, hurt clearly evident in her voice. The formality between the two was only ever present if the other was mad. [ _I must have done something._ ] Alex frowned; he didn't like to see her hurt, especially when he knew he was the cause. "Alex did I - did I do something?"

His frown deepened. He rubbed the back of his neck, an anxious habit he picked up from his father actually. "No, no nothing like that."

"Then why are you being so formal, and why have you been ignoring me?" She demanded. She wanted to sound strong, but unfortunately, Alex had a way of crawling under her skin.

"I'm not ignoring you Mer-"

"Oh, so it's _'Mer'_ now?" she grunted. What was up with him? "I don't understand then Alex. Why would you be ignoring me if I didn't do anything!?" she watched as he prepared to say something and she immediately stopped him by holding up her index finger. "And don't give me that, 'I'm not ignoring you' crap! Because you are, and I want to know why!"

Alex groaned. He didn't need this. "Look I really don't have time for this right now." He turned to walk away from her, but she reached out and grabbed the sleeve of his coat.

"Hey! Just tell me what is wrong." She pivoted in front of him and stared him down. Alex glared at her, he was clearly annoyed/agitated with the conversation.

"No. Just drop it Meredith!" he tried to step around her, but she stopped him, her right hand on her hip, while the other pressed against his chest, in what seemed to be an attempt to keep him from moving.

"No! Why won't you tell me?" Meredith pressed while he let out a frustrated groan. She knew this was going to build into an argument, but for whatever reason she couldn't drop it. She knew that if let him walk away now, that he would continue to avoid her and they wouldn't sort anything out like that.

"Because I don't want to talk about it!" he raised his voice at her. She shrank back just a bit, surprised by the aggression present in his voice and on his face. "Why don't you understand that?"

"Because you're my person and if something is wrong then I want to fix it! I don't hide from my problems Alex!" she shouted back angrily. He glared at her.

"God, why can't you just understand that some people just need space? I don't have to be around you and your damn kids 24/7 Mer! Okay?" he yelled in her face. Anger seemed to roll off him in waves. Alex didn't exactly know why he was angry either. He wasn't angry at Meredith per say, just frustrated at her line of questioning and her persistence's. It was hard enough to be away from her and the kids, but having to see her and be distant was too much stress let alone having to lie to her face. Maybe he was mad because of the situation he had gotten himself into. "I'm not your husband!" he spat.

Meredith stood there in shock. The rest of the sound in the hallway ceased to exist after Alex and she had first yelled. The tension that coated the air was thick and felt like she was suddenly drowning in it. She took another step, or two, back and dropped her hand form his chest. A few tears filled her eyes as her cheeks reddened, not only from hurt, but also embarrassment. "Okay that's enough Alex!" An angry voice yelled as a figure shoved past her and into Alex.

Alex's body was suddenly thrown back aggressively. Meredith was surprised to see Dr. Jackson Avery suddenly insert himself between her and Alex. An angry glare clouded his normally clear green eyes. Alex stumbled back after Jackson had shoved him. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" Jackson yelled. Alex slowly began to understand the full extent of what he had just said, or rather screamed, at Meredith. He looked at her and saw the betrayal that swam in her eyes. Guilt bubbled inside his gut. He felt sick, like he could literally throw up any moment now. He suddenly felt the need to scan the room to see just how many people had just witnessed him being a complete ass.

"Meredith, I am - so sorry." He tried to quickly apologize. When he took too many steps in her direction Jackson threw a punch sending Alex to ground in one swift motion. "ARGH!" his hand came up and clasped against his jaw. "What the fuck?"

"Dr. Avery it's alright." Meredith's voice surprised everyone. Alex looked up at her as Jackson turned and met her gaze. She held onto Jackson's arm, probably so he wouldn't attack Alex again. "Its fine." She reiterated, "Just let it go." She didn't wait for his response as she turned to leave. Alex quickly jumped to his feet to chase after her.

"Mer, wait please I'm - -" he was stopped by Jackson, who grabbed at his clothing and shoved him into the wall.

"Don't even think about it." He warned before giving Alex another shove. Alex managed to push Dr. Avery off. He stumbled for a moment before he managed to stable himself. He glared at Jackson who just walked away after Meredith. Alex stood in the silent hallway were everyone starred at him.

"What the hell are you all looking at!?" he growled. Everyone frantically began to move again as their whispers filled the air. He brought his hand up to his lip and flinched. When he pulled his hand away there was a small amount of smeared blood. "Great." He mumbled. "What a fucking nightmare." At least that what he hoped it was; a nightmare.

 _You can wake up from nightmares;_ _they're not real_ _. And usually that's the case, but not always. Sometimes that nightmare is based on an actual occurrence in our lives; events that have happened or are happening. In those select few cases, we feel_ _lost, hopeless_ _and even feel_ _uncontrollable sadness_ _. How could this be real? We refuse to accept it._ _"It's not real. It's not, it-it can't be."_ _It becomes a mantra of sorts. Denial of the truth, playing the victim, ignoring the blame; things we as people do so well. But_ _it is real_ _! We realize that we_ _can't escape_ _our demons, and worst of all, we come to understand that_ _we have caused_ _this darkness to come into our lives. We are_ _responsible_ _. And in that moment of realization, there is nothing more that we want, then to feel that sudden jerk of waking up just before you slam into the ground._


End file.
